donderdag 31 augustus 2017

Going to nursery in Sweden

DD is almost two and we put him in queue for a spot at a nursery school in Stockholm. We finally got a spot after 2,5 months and he started "dagis" or "forskola" on 28 August 2017. The school is a parents' cooperative private school, which means parents are supposed to be on cleaning/repair or other duties so now and then and be ready to be a substitute teacher for a day if one of the teachers gets ill. DD's school starts with 3 introduction days together with me.

Introduction day 1:
DD immediately went to big in the big yard. He was so busy playing that he didn't want to eat snack twice. He also peed in his pants as he was too occupied playing. The teachers do not really pay attention to his potty needs as the other kids go to toilets on fixed times (before lunch, for instance) and they don't check whether he has wet pants. For lunch we had salty sausage, potatoes and peas. DD just ate sausage mostly. After that, the teacher tried to get him to sleep, to no avail. He played in the afternoon until 14:30 and then we went home. He was very cranky because of overtiredness.

Introduction day 2:
DD was tired from the previous day and was in a bad mood throughout the day. In the morning, after a snack, all the children gather and sit in a ring to sing songs. They do that almost every morning and almost all the children sat and actively participated. DD liked the first couple songs and clapped his hands. After that, he wanted to get away and play with cars (same happened yesterday btw), but the teacher said that he should sit and sing. For lunch we had fish and potatoes, peas and corn and a mayo sauce. It was tasty and we both ate quite a bit. He didn't want to sleep again, screamed and was about to wake up other children who did sleep. So I took him home around 12:30 and he immediately fell asleep in his own bed.

Introduction day 3:
The school always has a day trip out on Wednesday. Every child has to bring his own backpack filled with lunch and drink. We went to the forest and children basically ran around playing freely. DD didn't play with anyone. He hang around me and tasted wild lingonberries. Around 11:30 all children sat down on picknic blankets and ate their home made lunch. Most of them had pasta or macroni. The teachers also ate pasta salad. I couldn't imagine how DD can eat his lunch by himself. There was no opportunities to pee and the teachers implied putting on diaper instead. But I managed to make him pee against trees. After the day trip, DD was really tired. After 20 min struggle, he fell asleep at the nursery bedroom. They had small mattresses on the floor and there is loud background "soothing" music. I told them to wake him up after about 45 min and went home to do some chores. When I came back, he was crying. We then went to Vasaparken around 14:30.

Day 4:
It was the first day for DD to be at the nursery without mama. D dropped him off in the morning and I went to pick him up around 16pm. He was busy playing with water and didn't want to go home. The teacher told me he was fine, but had diaper on all day (byebye, potty training) and didn't want to nap. Apparently he ate pea soup by himself and ate well. He only cried when he didn't get what he wanted.

Day 5:
The school was closed because of meetings.

Conclusion:
Swedish nursery has a free play approach. Children don't learn much, although the head teacher does try to incorporate some educational activities so now and then, such as singing, talking about the summer etc. The teachers seem to be genuinely passionate about children, especially the principal. Food seems ok and the children have plenty of outdoor play. I feel comfortable and at ease for leaving DD at this nursery. But I stay in the queue for English/German speaking schools.

woensdag 26 juli 2017

22 months

I have been a terrible mother recently. For some reason, I have become more impatient and ill-tempered. I am tired of seeing the same mistake again and again and would lash out to my beloved ones. I want to stick to the principles of gentleness, patience and devotion but it seems that I am drifting away from them. How come? Why am I behaving like this? Is there a deep lying medical issue or is it just me...being fed up with staying at home in a lock down routine for almost two years?
Perhaps I'm deeply unsatisfied with myself, and my not-so-promising future and my no-where-to-be-found career.  Perhaps I'm envious of other moms who seem to have everything under control and who seem to tackle everyday life and its ups and downs patiently and graciously. No matter what, I have got to stop behaving more childish than my own toddler and start carrying out my most important duty as a mother.

DD is doing great. Yesterday he spoke in two sentences with connection words, such as "papa and mama sleep on a bed, but then they wake up." I feel like I can't keep up with him soon. and I need to improve my vocabulary if I want to teach him more than he already knows.
He hasn't grown much physically. He is about 83-84 cm and still very thin. Potty training is going well. But he sometimes doesn't tell us before he pees in his pants. He loves to play with other children. He remembers NianNian and Futa and regularly mentions their names. I feel a bit sad that he doesn't have anyone else to play with except me everyday. And I don't want to bother other moms too often...for some reason, no one wants to hang out together everyday.

Funny conversations:

Me: do you want to go to museum or playground?
DD: museum museum *excited*
Me: but we just missed the bus. Can we go to a playground instead?
DD: how about a different bus?
Me: we would have to wait another 20 minutes for the next bus.
DD: then how about a different museum?

Me: someone needs a diaper change
DD: put pants on, it's okay

D did something naughty and had to stand in the time-out corner.
DD: poor baby...poor baby....

In the morning, he loves to cuddle papa. In the evening, he cries for mama when he goes to bed.
He wants to ride his kick scooter, but he is too small. He sulks for a while when he doesn't get what he wants.

vrijdag 30 juni 2017

21 months

D still dislikes taking a nap...when he just can't sleep, he repeats my question "why can't you sleep"
Potty training shows some success. At home we try to let him roam without a diaper and he pees on the potty or toilet most of the time. There are some accidents, though. One day, he decided to go out without a diaper. We went to Junibacken and I constantly asked him whether he needed to pee. One half day later, he only had one accident and peed on a toilet twice. It was better than I expected.

In the museum, he had a short conversation with a stranger.
D: a red car, see?
S: yes
D: a blue car
S: aha, a blue car
D: which one do you like
D: it's empty inside. Nothing
S: what should be inside
D: people

In the elevator, D saw an old man who tried to be friendly with him. He quickly went to the back of the elevator and hid in a corner, looking at the man with scrutiny.
But when a young, beautiful woman entered, D jumped with excitement and ran to the back as well to hide. But this time, he smiled at the woman shyly XD

A way to avoid tantrums and foster autonomy is to give children choices. They will think that they are in charge while they actually choose something you want for them. Not too many but usually two choices are good. But when I let D choose between two options, he sometimes says: "how about xxx a third option?" He does not give in and choose an option given by you if what he actually wants is something else! 

I felt like he has reached the developmental milestones of a three year old. Specifically, he can sort shapes and distinguish colors. He remembers what he did yesterday and other memorable events (like eating an ice cream). He speaks in 3-4 word sentences. He is linguistically so much more advanced than children of his age. In terms of physical strength and mobility, he is more limited. He can't walk up or down the stairs with alternating feet. He doesn't care about swings or other exercises with fast movements. He rarely runs or make strange movements.

dinsdag 27 juni 2017

Although becoming a parent is easy, being a good parent is the hardest thing that requires a lot of discipline, patience, devotion and compassion. A mom with three successful sons shared her advice and I completely agree with all of them. Write it down to remind myself:

  1. don't compare your child to other children
  2. no materials as rewards
  3. no timetable/schedule separating fun and study (mix them and ask questions to stir up their curiosity)
  4. no after-school classes to improve grades (grades are not the most important things in the world)
  5. let them choose
  6. let them date during college/high schools (experience love, teach sexual education)
  7. don't scold/hit, but explain, make them understand
  8. don't lie to them / do what you promise
  9. spend time with them
  10. don't say "wait a moment" too often or ignore them when you are busy. put away your work or turn of the stove for a moment and respond

20 months

Dillon's life is so colorful now since we moved to Stockholm. There are so many well equipped playgrounds and children friendly museums...we haven't done visiting all after 1,5 months living here.
Some funny things he said:
Dillon was eating a sausage and said: it's not spicy. it's fine. It's tasty but it's sour.

Dillon was trying to fall asleep but couldn't: Mama sing row row row?
Mama: Dillon sings.
Dillon: (huff) no, I'm tired.

Dillon was walking in a park: What's that sound? Let's have a look.

He is a bit scared of the dark and doesn't want to go to the bedroom since it's usually dark there because of closed curtain.
He has good memory and remembers where he ate his first whole cone of ice cream. When we walked past the bench we sat at he cheerfully said: ice cream?




vrijdag 12 mei 2017

19 months

This month is just life changing for us. We moved to a different country. D got a new job and baby Dillon asserts his independence more and more.
He refuses to nap everyday even though he is tired. Thia doesn't seem to be a temporary thing. He can easily spend a day without a nap but is quite cranky and prompt to tantrums in the afternoon.
He becomes more creative with language and starts making his own sentences. He can for instance say something like 'mamas train go all the way home' or 'lion want reas book'.
He knows what he likes and will ask for it saying 'want ice cream'. When he doesn't want something he says 'no (more) banana'.
He knows when he does something wrong or when mama is angry, he would apologize 'sorry sorry'. That just instantly makes mama's rage go away xD
He doesn't seem very active and prefers reading book and indoor play to outdoor play. He likes reading books so much that im more anxious about getting a library card than getting a Swedish bank account haha.
Shortly after we moved to Stockholm, he got the coxsackie virus and suffers from fever and blisters in and around his mouth. I hope his development isnt tempered too much.

I don't know when it started but he is now very conscious about his private parts and would try to cover them when he doesn't wear pants or diaper. He also giggles when wearing farts xD

dinsdag 28 maart 2017

18 months

Being with a toddler who just starts to learn how to talk is great fun. Everyday I find "conversations" that melt my heart and make me chuckle. Here are some examples:

Baby: bike bike
Mama: no, that's a car
Baby: I know

Baby: hello hello mama *holding a toy phone*
Mama: oh hello. who's calling? what do you want?
Baby: milk (breast milk addict forever lol-_-)

Baby makes his own version of row row row your boat:
row row row your boat
gently down the waterfall
if you see an elephant
don't forget to stomp

On sunny days we went to Sonsbeekpark (the biggest park in the city) for a walk. Whenever we saw ducks, we fed them bread. Among the birds we fed there were some very aggressive geese. One of them came so close to Dillon that stood nose to nose with him. Dillon offered the goose a piece of bread, which the goose pecked out of his hand aggressively, including his finger. Poor Dillon cried and was then too scared to feed birds after that.
He said: "afraid bite....byebye goose," dropped the last bits of bread and walked away.

This month was also a marking point as I managed to quit breastfeeding!!! It wasn't exactly hard. He begged for it and still does sometimes, but my breasts just dried up on their own and it wasn't pleasant anymore when he pulled back his head as an attempt to get more milk out of them >_< In the beginning, I felt guilty and missed my full breasts (they are now back to their original size). But even if I want to breastfeed him, I can't anymore. That chapter of the book is read and closed. Move on.
Unfortunately, he doesn't eat more without breastfeeding. In fact, he doesn't eat much, especially for dinner.

Another event that happened this month is that we found a new job (or rather, my husband found a new job-_-) and we are going to move ABROAD, to SWEDEN! It all went down like a whirlwind. Basically, I spent weeks looking for jobs and writing applications for him, to no avail. In the end, he got an interview from a company in the UK through a recruiter and a second one through a Swedish company, where his former colleague works at. He flew to both locations in one single week and it was very stressful for the both of us. Both companies were fantastic and equally good for his career and our life. We eventually chose for Sweden because he didn't want to work as a contractor. Now we have only 1 month left to pack our stuff and get things sorted. My feelings are mixed about this. On the one hand, I'm extremely happy for him and Sweden seems a good place to raise children. On the other hand, it'll be very hard for me to find a job there, without speaking Swedish. I was planning to start teaching again in September this year, but that is out of the window now. Could this mean the end of my career? I'm not exactly young anymore and Sweden doesn't need my skills (hell, they speak better English than I do>_<). With one income, we'll have to downgrade to a smaller flat and live frugally due to Sweden's high expenses. Poor baby won't have so much space to run in and we'll have to live far away from the city center as we simply can't afford a flat in Stockholm city. Should I stay behind with baby and work in NL or should I follow and keep my family and relationship as a whole?






donderdag 2 maart 2017

Cooking with Ajvar

Ajvar, a relish made from red bell peppers, eggplant, garlic and chili peppers is mostly popular in the Balkans. I found how how delicious it is through Food Safari, an Australian food documentary.

Here are two recipes that I use ajvar in:

Bulgur pilav
-3 tomatoes
-1 onion
-1 garlic
- bulgur
- chicken broth
- some meat (optional)
- olive oil/salt/pepper/parsley
- 2 spoons of ajvar


Hungarian Goulash (my own version)
- beef
- onion, carrots, potatoes, large red paprika
- bayleaf/garlic/ginger/salt/pepper
- beef broth
- some spoons of ajvar





maandag 20 februari 2017

17 months

This month has seen the most development so far. Not only is he able to walk, he also increasingly talks in short sentences.

Walking:
Shortly before he turned 17 months old, on 29 or 30 January, he started walking. He didn't want to walk at all for a while and I was getting worried. But all of a sudden, he seemed confident enough and set out for his first trip without support. Needless to say, we were thrilled and so proud of him. Unfortunately, walking doesn't mean more sleeping in his case. To the contrary, he seems to resist napping even more and often plays in his bed for more than 30 min before relenting. Perhaps it's time to move his nap to 2 or even 3pm in the afternoon. To be honest, I really need a break when it hits noon. A walking baby also means paying more attention and going out more. On the other hand, it's definitely easier as he can go wherever he pleases (under supervision) and he doesn't need to be carried all the time when we go somewhere. He can easily wander off when we are indoors, especially in familiar places like the library. But he is still too scared to walk freely outside on the street.

Playing:
Before he could walk, a trip to the Ikea was boring for him, being strapped in the buggy. Now it has become so much fun for him and he ran from furniture to furniture, yelling excitingly "table table" "chair chair." We got a kid's menu for free at the restaurant and he loved all the furniture and toys at the children's department.
I finally decided to get a yearly plan for the local zoo, figuring that if I go at least 4 times it will be worth it. With the days getting warmer, this seems like a viable playtime option. I was actually more enthusiastic about all the animals than Dillon did. I loved all the fish in the giant aquarium, for instance. Dillon was a bit scared of walking in the zoo and he seemed a bit passive overall. Perhaps he will feel more at ease if we go there again.
We still go to the playgroup on Monday morning, but I'm no longer going to any groups on Thursday. Friday morning is reserved for market and library. The sad part is that many of Dillon's playmates are moving away. Some toddlers from Dillon's playgroup have advanced to "Peuterspeelzaal;" H is going back to the States, S is moving to Germany, V is going back to Finland in May, and A is moving to Almere in June...it makes me antsy as well, not knowing what our future beholds. I'm hence reluctant to make new friends.
When he is tired, he likes to stack blocks or put letters back into a jar etc. He likes to flirt with other mamas by cuddling them. It seems that he loves going to the playground. 

Attachment:
Dillon is very attached to me nowadays. Actually this has always been the case. It's just that it's more noticeable because he can demand my attention using words now. For instance, he would refuse Papa's attempt to read a book and bring the book to me instead, saying "mama read." He also says "mama come," "mama go," and "mama cuddle." He wants a cuddle all the time and gets very upset if I lock the toilet door. He will also get up to look for me when I'm gone for more than a minute.I'm no longer upset about this...in fact I find it cute and sadden at the thought that one day my little boy won't need mama's cuddles anymore.

Talking: 
I stop keeping track of the number of words he can say. I think it's more than 200 by now. He often surprises me by saying a new word. yesterday it was "acorn" and "water." He starts to link words. One day, he grabbed his toy panda and put it on my chest, saying "panda mama milk." Towards the end of the month, he regularly says mama come, mama read etc. He also starts to count numbers and can recognize some letters. I start to believe that he is a linguistic genius when he can memorize songs and long stories such as "Good night good night construction site," which I read and leave out the last word of every sentence for him to complete.

Eating:
Little progress on this aspect of his life. He seems to grow out of his obsession for noodles. He loves nibbling on limes and goes all sour face after each bite. He likes bread and sweet food in general. He eats yogurt and pudding almost every single day and likes freshly baked bread. Occasionally, he tries to eat with a spoon or fork but still makes a mess with them.


Snow! He likes the view of it but hates the coldness :P